through the woods.

Her skin was so swollen it looked like it would burst. She played cat’s cradle while he peeled off her skin.

She’s all wood underneath.

Sloughed off her skin and there was blood in the frost, and now she doesn’t have any. She’s like a doll, all wood and strings and her eyes are dead brown. Her lips move like they’re on hinges but no sound comes out.

She has me on strings

She’s making me type

And now she and her blue fairy are running off to play.

He’s shoving splinters into her fingers

please someone find me

Dunno how I’m even getting wi-fi out here but I’m so fucking glad. I thought the biggest thing I’d have to worry about was cops. I ditched my cellphone and I’m feeling like a fucking idiot, I can’t even call for help. But it has a GPS in it! I thought I was keeping us safe from our mom!

That kid is so much worse. I hardly ever see him move and when he’s around it feels like it’s thirty below freezing.

But it worse than that, it’s like I feel cold inside. I feel like I’m in this cold place no one else can get to and I look to Crystal for some kind of reassurance that I’m not alone and she just stares at me. Like there’s nothing behind her eyes, totally quiet, like she’s not even a real person.

We’re into the woods, now, sort of, and there’s frost here everywhere. The snow’s been melting everywhere else, but here it still feels like winter. Like I said, I don’t know how I’m getting wifi. I just want someone to find me

little boy blue

Crystal’s fucking creepy friend is following us

She’s been crumbling her food and leaving crumb trails for him to follow, dropping shit that she brought like paper and shit. I don’t know what the fuck to do ‘cause it’s like he’s there one moment and gone the next. I’m not even sure he’s really there half the time!

But he’s been close enough that I’ve seen him now. His skin is so pale it’s practically blue.

The first thing Crystal said in ages was her calling him ‘the blue fairy’.

ran away

I caught Crystal hurting herself so that’s fucking it. I still don’t even know what she was doing but she was just sitting on her bed, (I think) cutting her fingertips and I fucking lost it. She didn’t even say anything, just glared at me and I KNEW she didn’t want me to say anything so I didn’t. Just went quiet because what the fuck else could I do? It’s disturbing because when she looks at me like that, she reminds me of mom. An over-controlling angry Nazi freak. I have to get her away from mom’s influence

So I grabbed mom’s laptop and hid it in my bag, started walking Crystal to school like usual and then I guess I kidnapped her. I know the way to grandma’s by car and it kind of sucks going on foot but : \ better than staying

Just stopping for a little bit at a Starbucks to grab something to eat, but Crystal’s ignoring her cookie. Oh another fucked thing – she doesn’t talk like at ALL anymore, hasn’t for days. She taps her nose for ‘yes’ and just ignores you for ‘no’, I think I saw that in a movie once.

anyone know a good guidance counselor?

Crystal’s been so messed up that she just isn’t talking. I feel kinda bad ‘cause I think chasing off her friend didn’t help, and she got more quiet since then, but with the physical damage and the not-talking, the good thing is now maybe we can get the fuck out of here and away from bitchface. Get a therapist on our side. Hopefully we can just go stay with grandma

If we can’t go legally I’ll just fucking go anyway, I’ve fucking had it

grounded.

I’m ‘grounded for the rest of my life’ according to mom, but I don’t even care. I fucking know what I saw last night.

I check in on Crystal’s room sometimes ‘cause I know she cries herself to sleep, most nights, and after the teacher said she’s been falling asleep in class, I feel like I should, just in case. So last night I decided to check in on her, and her freaky little friend was at her window. The SECOND FLOOR window.

She was kneeling on her bed with the window wide open, and it looked like they were playing cat’s cradle again at like MIDNIGHT. It was fucking bizarre and how the hell did he even know where we live? But it gets weirder and this is why I got mad.

Her hands were bleeding, there were little streaks of red on the windowsill. I turned on the light and the kid dashed off – I don’t know how. Crystal screamed and I was yelling, too – yelling after that kid not to show up at our house in the middle of the night. There were little bleeding pinpricks all over Crystal’s hands, and they were more red than ever, and she was shivering so badly that her teeth were rattling. Plus, her skin looks…weird, I don’t even know how to describe it

Mom woke up, anyway, and was all mad. Plus she’s stupid, she’s going on about Crystal hand lotion because she thinks she has eczema or some shit and that’s why her hands are all red and bleeding, she thinks the dry skin is cracking. Like FUCK that’s natural.

weird day

REALLY WEIRD DAY.

Crystal’s friend tried to follow us home. It was actually…kind of creepy o_o I noticed after about a block that I had that weird, cold sense of someone tailing me. You know how you get shivers down your neck when someone’s watching you? It was like that, but all over

I had to yell back at him like, three times for him to go to his own home. Crystal kept quiet, as usual, and I kinda felt bad. She probably wanted to keep playing with her friend but…fuck, we’d have been in SO MUCH SHIT. Cuntmonster would have flipped the fuck out.

She’s in a relatively good mood today too. Meaning she hasn’t screamed at anyone. The thing that blows is, even when she’s in an okay mood Crystal and I are still tense, waiting for her to blow

got a tape recorder

GOT HER ON TAPE.

HA, SUCK ON THAT, BITCH. I ditched school and got a cheap shit tape recorder but it WORKED. I didn’t get her at her worst or anything but it’s still PROOF

winter coats in March?

That friend of Crystal’s is weird. It was actually pretty mild today but he was still wearing this big winter coat with his hat on and hood up, like it was fucking mid-winter. I never get a good look at him, either. She really does seem kind of better, though, she said he was teaching her to play cat’s cradle and spent the afternoon trying to teach me how to do it.

Her hands are still really red, though, and it looked like playing was hurting her. After a while I bailed and said she should go soak her hands. She seemed kind of upset but did it anyway, in hot water

I didn’t get her logic. She said the hot water hurt but she’s so cold she doesn’t really mind. Weird kid

broken glass

Mom’s still screaming at Crystal. Getting on here now to type in things she says

“Stupid clumsy screw-up”

“Wish I’d had another son”

“Both my children are idiots”

“You pick up that glass by hand” YEAH. Crystal dropped a glass and she’s making her PICK IT UP BY HAND.

Something’s still wrong with her hands, too! They’re really sore, she winces any time she TOUCHES SOMETHING. How the FUCK can someone who claims to be our mother be SO FUCKING UNOBSERVANT.

Now she’s yelling about how she wishes dad were still alive because HE knew how to keep us in line. YEAH, YOU CRAZY BITCH, HE ‘KEPT US IN LINE’ BY NOT SCREAMING. My dad was a good guy and a WAY better parent. Sometimes I think mom poisoned him or something to trigger a heart attack and murdered him, ‘cause he didn’t do everything EXACTLY HER WAY.

I could totally fucking see it. Like a fat old witch giving him poison apples or some shit, she’s evil

I have to go right now, the only reason I’m not in there helping is because I’m confined to my room for the rest of the night for calling her unreasonable.

my mom is a whale

Mom was out, so I answered the phone today and it’s from Crystal’s school. Conversation went something like this:

“Hello, is Mrs. Wedekind available?”

“No, she’s not home. This is her son.”

“I see. Could you have her call me, it’s urgent.”

“Why, is something wrong with Crystal?”

“We’re just concerned about her performance in class. She’s very tired and won’t pick up her pencil. She just leaves her schoolwork on the desk in front of her.”

Glad that they talked to me and not mom. Mom would have eaten Crystal alive for that. She’s like a whale. Yeah, a whale, could’ve used another giant animal that could swallow you whole but she’s always looked kind of whale-like to me >>

I told her teacher I’d talk to her and hung up. I went to talk to Crystal right after, and she was sitting in her room on the floor, still wearing her jacket and her gloves. It was fucking weird, ‘cause it’s been a cold month but not THAT cold. She didn’t really talk to me, but she let me take off the gloves and I flipped the fuck out

Her hands are all red and raw looking

covered in Ash

Crystal’s always playing with that kid when I come pick her up, now, but I can tell she’s still depressed : \ Last night it was like, 2 AM and I heard her crying in the bathroom. I kind of just hovered outside the door. She was in there for about an hour, just crying the whole time. Sometimes I thought she fell asleep, ‘cause the sound would get quieter, but then I’d listen a bit harder and she’d just be crying a bit more softly. I think it was because she was scared she’d wake bitchmonster from hell.

She’s also upset because she knows I’m smoking now. She said she saw ash on my jeans >< Glad she pointed it out before mom saw, but she’s all sad and telling me about cancer and shit. Also, yeah, ha fucking ha, Ash covered in ashes fuck you guys that’s not even clever

I’m thinking of getting an actual video camera, not just a recorder, ‘cause I think video evidence is less shitty than audio. Better for a judge, even though he’d have to be a fucking idiot not to take us away from the bitch

Crys has a friend

Started saving my shitty low allowance up to get a tape recorder. Mein Fuhrer doesn’t want me getting a job because she doesn’t want me out of the fucking house -_-

Today was kind of good though. She’s out of the house right now to get groceries so it’s quiet, and there was big news for Crystal. I went to pick her up today, and for the first time in fucking forever she wasn’t alone. There was some kid playing some kind of clapping game with her. Kind of freaked out at first because she wasn’t at the bench, like usual, but she wasn’t that far from it. She was just hanging back around some trees and playing something with a kid who was probably about in her grade

She still won’t smile or anything, but it looked like she was actually talking for once so, that’s awesome

Paris Hilton is kind of hot

Good thing it’s a Saturday, she’s always in a better mood on the weekend ‘cause she doesn’t have to go to work. That means the bitchbag is home all day though. Gonna write this with my headphones on and watch House of Wax while I whine like an emo kid. (And fuck you guys, I actually think Paris Hilton is kind of hot, okay? You wouldn’t say no if she wanted to bone you)

She’s vacuuming right now and ranting about how she shouldn’t have to be the one to do it. She’s actually loud enough for me to hear even with my headphones on : \

Anyway… Last night she flipped out at dinner. I’d tell you why, but I still don’t know. She was just screaming about random shit throughout the whole meal. Her temper has been stressing me out so bad that I took up smoking a little while ago. She doesn’t know yet, but I almost blew my cover last night by lighting up at the table, she was stressing me out so bad. Crystal had it worse, ‘cause she just kept shrinking in her chair and that just seemed to make the raging cunt more mad.

After that she went to go lie down and we went to do the dishes. We haven’t got a dishwasher since ours is busted, so Crystal and I swap turns washing and drying. It was her night to wash, so she gets out the little footstool thing and starts running the water, and then she just starts crying. Like, the quiet kind of crying. I felt bad, it took me a while to even notice

When I mentioned it she said she wasn’t crying, though, and just kept doing the dishes. =-= I told her to go play and shit and took over. Would have taken way longer anyway, the water she was using was freezing, so not a big deal

I need to get a fucking tape recorder

starting a blog

I decided that I’d start keeping a log of all the crap my cuntbag mom says, as proof. I’ll try to record her screaming at Crystal or me sometime, too, to get actual evidence for the useless fuckers at the police station : \ I get two hours of time on the family computer (also known as my mom’s laptop so she can nanny-block everything and monitor every fucking thing I do) so I’m going to start using it for something. I’ve got to delete all the cookies and the history and shit, plus I’ve got to open a bunch of fake tabs so she thinks I’ve been doing actual research (even though I’ve been skipping every class but English for weeks), but I’m going to fucking vent to the internet until I have real hardcore proof that my mom is a controlling bitch so we can go live with my grandma

I skip and shit and I know how to rebel better than Crystal does. She’s just eleven, and she’s a really good kid. Some of my friends try to take the piss and think they’re fucking hilarious because I really care about my baby sister, but I’m all she’s got. She doesn’t even have friends, and if she did, bitchzilla would go all Nazi on her and say she has to ‘approve them’ first. I’m serious about the Nazi thing, by the way, she is MESSED UP. She used to make fun of my best friend Ian when we were in middle school. TO HIS FACE. Because he was a Jew. Anti-Semitic whore =-=

My school day ends like twenty minutes before Crystal’s, so I always go to pick her up. It’s about a half hour walk between, right? Every day, I find her just sitting on a bench at the corner of the playground, avoiding everyone with her head down. I can’t even make her smile anymore. I think she might be depressed. She’s ELEVEN, and she could be depressed. It’s not fair

If I were eighteen I’d get custody of her myself, but I can’t do that for two more years. Plus I don’t know how. I’m getting better at looking shit up without mom finding out, but I dunno how I’d contact any legal people. She goes through my texts and my call history so she’d know and we’re not really allowed to use the home phone unless it’s an emergency, since she doesn’t fucking pay for it. I don’t even get why we have the shitty thing anymore

Anyway, before I go, I’m gonna list some of the insults she yells at me and Crystal

Waste of space

Leeches/money-suckers/random crap like that

Lazy

Useless

Losers

Stupid/idiots/morons/other shit to call us dumb and inadequate and shit

Now I’m gonna post this before my two hours are up and she pulls the plug on the wi-fi.